The grief process isn’t linear – you might move through different stages multiple times, cycling back through emotions you thought you’d already worked through.
The holiday season is painted as magical—joyful gatherings, family traditions, and togetherness wrapped in glittering lights. But for many of us, especially those navigating divorce, it can feel like navigating an emotional obstacle course.
The pressure to be happy, grateful, and full of holiday cheer can be overwhelming. Add in the complexities of divorce—grieving the loss of your old life while making life-altering decisions—and it’s like topping marshmallows on sweet potatoes: unnecessary and just too much.
Letting Go of Old Traditions After Divorce
Divorce is often described as second only to the death of a spouse in terms of stress. Even when you know it’s the right decision, letting go of the life you built and stepping into the unknown is heartbreaking. And nowhere does that grief hit harder than during the holidays.
Family traditions—the Nutcracker performances, decorating the tree with eggnog in hand, gingerbread house competitions with the neighbors—all of it can feel like it’s slipping through your fingers. For me, most of those rituals didn’t just end after the divorce was final. They ended the moment the process began.
What’s left is a long, awkward pause. The past is over, the future isn’t clear yet, and the holidays only amplify that uncertainty. There’s no escaping the constant reminders of “the most wonderful time of the year” at every turn.
Grieving During Divorce: The Emotional Toll of the Holidays
Divorce brings a grief that’s more than the loss of a partner. It’s the loss of shared experiences and traditions that once defined your life. During the holidays, that loss can feel like a spotlight is shining on the empty spaces.
It’s not just the loss of traditions—it’s the shift in relationships. Maybe your neighbor Mary, who you cohosted every block holiday party with, suddenly decides to go it alone. She’s trying to be sensitive, right? Or maybe she’s uncomfortable. Maybe she doesn’t know what to say or fears picking sides you never asked her to pick.
You feel like the unspoken elephant in the room—still loved but somehow harder to approach. Friends and family may tiptoe around you, unsure of how to offer support. Even when intentions are good, it’s isolating.
Coping with Divorce During the Holidays
While you can’t sidestep grief, you can navigate it with intention and care:
Acknowledge Your Emotions
Let yourself feel what you feel—sadness, anger, confusion, or even relief. Suppressing those emotions only makes things harder. Give yourself grace and space to process.Set Boundaries and Communicate Needs
Be upfront about what you need, whether it’s skipping a party or asking for specific support. Loved ones can’t read your mind, and being honest helps them show up for you.Create New Traditions
While honoring the past, embrace the chance to start fresh. Maybe it’s baking cookies with the kids or a quiet movie night. You get to decide what fits your new chapter.Seek Support
Connect with people who understand—whether that’s a therapist, support group, or trusted friend. Sharing your experience can ease the loneliness and provide practical coping strategies.Practice Self-Care
Prioritize activities that nourish you—take a winter walk, curl up with a good book, or indulge in a favorite treat. Self-care is essential, not indulgent.
For Friends and Family: How to Support Someone Going Through Divorce
If someone you care about is navigating a divorce this holiday season, ask how you can help. Avoid making assumptions about what they need, and listen without judgment. Even small gestures, like a warm meal or a kind note, can make a big difference.
Honoring Your Journey and Embracing What Comes Next
Navigating the holidays during a divorce isn’t about forcing yourself to be cheerful or erasing your past. It’s about holding space for your grief while giving yourself permission to step into something new.
The holidays may feel heavy now, but they’re also an opportunity—a chance to honor where you’ve been and imagine where you’re going. Brighter days are ahead, and you don’t have to navigate this alone.
Brenda Bridges
Mediator, MAT, RICP®, CDFA®, CDC®
